Problem solvers can suck!!!

I realize that when I'm in a conversation with a friend who is in pain or struggling that more often than not I will start talking solutions with him or her.  Today I learned why I do so often.

I'm a dude.  Not that chicks don't do it to, but a dude is far more likely to want to fix.  Honestly, how many men in your life can sit with pain and emotions, etc.?  But that one's too easy.

I have difficulty just being with pain or struggle.  And in order to "not" solve the problem, I have to be willing to sit with my friend's or even more challenging at times my daughter's pain.

When I was younger, I actually gravitated towards solutions oriented people in my life.  Let's not dwell, let's fix.  And when we fix, we may or much more likely may not go back to how you were feeling. 

These days I'm often turned off when someone becomes immediately, and sometimes relentlessly, solutions oriented with me.  At the same time, at some point I have to start thinking about solutions.  What is that point?  Not knowing that point makes it hard for me to talk about deep emotional issues with even the closest of my friends.

I am close enough to my emotions now to know that, in essence, sometimes problem solvers can suck.  And unfortunately, I can be one of them.  I think that when I learn when to be a solver and when to be a listener I'll offer even more love to the people who mean most to me.  And allow them to do the same.